When the curtains close on a relationship, even one whose end was of my own design, I feel a surge of wistful remorse. Discovering that I am somehow romantically incompatible with another person makes me feel like a failure, as if I lack a critical element of humanity. Like a kid who gets cut from the JV b-ball squad, breaking up makes me feel like I just got booted from the love roster. I end up sullen, listless, and unsure of what to do with myself. I ruminate over every missed shot, and berate myself for every bad play. Inevitably, I wonder if I brought my A-game.
Many relationships I have been in don’t have a clear beginning or end. You can point to a first kiss or a teary finale, but like a Mobius strip, the story of love runs in and around and onto itself, and can’t always be captured between bookends. After all, just because you stop dating someone doesn’t mean you stop loving them. Or, as is often the case when we enter that gloomy period of questioning, doubt, and turnovers that follows a breakup, just because you stop dating someone doesn’t mean you stop dating them.
Nearly everyone I know has, at some point, broken up and recommitted to a relationship in a period of less than one week. They break up, regret it, make up, and then sometimes regret that too. I have watched friends slog through this cycle dozens of times with the same partner, sometimes in a span of 24 hours. When both separation and togetherness seem dysfunctional, people tend to gravitate towards a pseudo version of the latter. They don’t break up; they don’t date; they Breakdate.
There are lots of ‘easy’ solutions in life, but they’re often not very good ones. They’re also usually not that easy. Breakdating is the fast food of love and romance: it lacks nutritional value, it’s bad for the arteries, and it generates vast quantities of litter. I’m not saying that getting back together with an ex is out of the question, but how, when, and why you do it are crucial. If you’ve been together for a while and things are going haywire, then you don’t stand to gain much perspective by staying together. It’s important to be decisive, and recognize that the best chance to salvage the spark between you is to give it air to breathe.
How long should you wait? Probably longer than you think, and definitely longer than you want to. There’s no sound in a vacuum, but you won’t hear anything anyway above the shouting in your head. You and your ex should give yourselves ample time apart to figure out if being apart (or together) is what you really want. Whatever you decide, remember that there is a next season, and work on your jump shot.
Some Comments as Below:
1. One of the most simple reasons for returning to the ex is this: There’s a comfort level that comes only after knowing someone for quite awhile. We tend to look for that in new relationships and, of course, it isn’t there yet. We haven’t yet cultivated it. We’re in a hurry to achieve in a new relationship what we liked about the old one. The sex and intimacy especially, is something we hate having to start over and teach someone else. I speak for women only, obviously, but while we enjoy the deliciousness of new, we still crave the comfort of old. Sometimes we go back and have sex with the ex simply to remind ourselves that we are still desirable even though we’ve had no luck with new love. Problem with that is it often sends mixed messages to the ex, and to our own-selves, as well.
I’m not saying it’s wrong…but people get back together for the wrong reasons. Once we’ve left it behind, we can’t help but miss it, even if it was mostly bad. It was comfortable and familiar and the older we get, the more we treasure comfort and familiarity.
2. Why oh why? I wish I knew. I’ve been Breakdating someone for ages. I have to agree with Demented Woman, I love the familiarity and the sex is great. We spend so much time together that the void when he’s gone seems impossible to fill. And even when we both know we are not a healthy couple, we can’t seem to stay apart for more than a month and we can’t seem to stay together for much longer either. Wish us luck that we can both move on for good one day. Maybe today.
3. According to that article I believe I may be just starting this cycle but I’m not the one terminating it, however I guess I am responsible for letting everything happen again. It’s been a rather weird roller coaster when it comes to us for the last 8 months or so, being cheated on, her comforting me(while technically she was with someone else), etc. etc.. But despite all the drama between us so far I still want to be with her. lol Perhaps I’m misguided or simply a glutton for punishment but in any case I’m not sure if I’ll end up breakdating or perhaps my blind loyalty will payoff as someone once said “Hope for the best, Prepare for the worst”
4. After 13 years of being apart, my ex-husband and I are together again. I always loved him and always wanted him back but I waited till now to say so. It is fantastic. Don’t wait 13 years to reconnect and love the love of your life. It was wasted time for us. He loves me and I love him and nothing and no one will break us up or keep us apart.
There is a good chance you have never heard of blue waffle disease. I mean the name sounds really silly doesn’t it? Most people have seen gruesome pictures online and immediately become afraid. However, I would suggest you keep your calm and read the rest of this article before you start to panic.
It is a condition or disease that you will have trouble finding in the medical journals. However, it is very real. It is similar to the infection known as vaginitis, but it has a few marked symptoms that set it apart from this more common disorder. While you may not find blue waffles in a medical dictionary, just yet, it is identifiable by a specific set of symptoms and demands a specific regimen for treatment.
Blue waffles is not really a technical term but rather a slang term. Waffle is slang for vagina and blue comes in because that’s the color the infected area turns. YUK! Sounds pretty nasty doesn’t it? Now from the research I have done it seems as though blue waffles is very similar to vaginitis. It is a sexually transmitted disease (STD), that effects both men and women.
However, it is more common in women. For the most part it is caused by bacteria build up and poor hygiene. So you if you are having unprotected sex or not taking care of yourself properly, you could be at risk for getting this disease.
The symptoms of this disease include itching and inflammation in the vaginal area. You might also have a discharge that changes colors and has a bad odor to it. Many say that the symptoms will just all of a sudden go away on their own. However, I don’t know that I would want to wait and see if they will go away. If you think you might have this disease or some other STD, I suggest you go see your doctor as soon as you can.
Before You Get Too Concerned…
You might not have blue waffles. So take the 2-minute Online vaginosis test to find out right now…
Truth be told, we don’t even know if it is an actual disease. It started making its way around the internet in early 2010. For all we know it could be an urban myth created for the sake of making money. Yes, the Government and pharmaceutical companies come up with new diseases all the time so they can make new medications for you to buy.
At the time I wrote this article there is no medical information on this disease. Pictures are popping up all over the internet but none of them seem to be from any reputable sites. So don’t believe everything you hear or read on the internet.
And even if blue waffle disease turns out to be the hoax of the decade, you should still make sure you are ALWAYS having safe sex and taking care of yourself the right way. This way you know you are safe and won’t have to worry about catching a real STD.
Have you been together for so long that you’ve got every move down pat and can finish in record time? When initial sexual excitement dwindles it must be replaced by realistic and committed efforts from both parties to maintain variety. Communication is critical; don’t be afraid to ask for more variety and offer suggestions. Here are five idea’s for rut-proofing your sex life.
Any sexual activity is normal as long as it gives pleasure and does not cause emotional or physical discomfort to either partner.
Avoid routine times or places. Skip the bed for the shower, kitchen, or patio. Different settings can enhance the experience with new sights and sounds. If your routine is sex, then sleep, mix it up by starting your day with sex, instead.
Continue the spontaneity of courtship. When everything is brand new it can take months before you’ve exhausted your sexual repertoire and started repeating maneuvers. Once the doldrums of life take over it can be hard to act on feelings. Go ahead and pay the bills tomorrow if you’re in the mood for sex now.
Make time for each other. Remember when it wasn’t a gimme that you would be spending Friday night together? Schedule dates and consciously continue the romatic gestures that come easy early on.
Forget normal. Contemporary writers in sexology concur that any sexual activity is normal, as long as it gives pleasure and does not cause emotional or physical discomfort or harm to either partner.
Utilize books of positions and techniques. When read together these books can be used as foreplay and inspire experimentation.
If you’re stuck in a rut you got there by doing the same things over and over, and if you find yourself inhappy in your situation then do something about. Don’t just sit there wishing things were different- Make them different!
You meet someone nice. You’d like to give them your number but it just seems too bold. So, instead you opt to give them your email address. (One has to be careful about who the give their contact information to!) A few days later there is an email in your inbox. The email is short and sweet– a few compliments; a few questions. You respond with a few witty lines. But, in the reply your crush has said some things that you don’t quite like. And they’ve expressed a negative opinion over some of your lesser qualities. But, you reply in the hopes that some things were just lost in translation.
After another round of unsettling emails you exchange phone numbers thinking that an audible conversation will go more smoothly than the emails. Perhaps they need to hear the tone of voice to really “get it.” Phone conversations take place over the next couple of days but they are like stop and go traffic. Every time things start to get rolling you’re confronted with the angry gleam of brake lights. Trying desperately not to give up too soon you press on and set a coffee date to chat in person. But the phone conversations never improve and the list of cons has now doubled the list of pro’s. Finally you both resolve to stop forcing the issue.
The New Year is often a time to reflect on the past 12 months. To take inventory of your life and reassess the value of your stock. Too often society views being single as a curse. Buy why? We need to stop viewing being single as an affliction and recognize that it is a choice. This year I resolve to stay single until someone who truly deserves me comes along and sweeps me off my feet.
And in the meantime?
I am going to be fabulously single. Happy New Year.